I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
