This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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