Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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