I just made out with a guy for $7.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
