if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
