I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
