Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
