You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
