I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
