Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
