I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
