I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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