Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
