Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
