I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
