U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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