Soap is not a condiment
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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