im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How does one acquire holy water?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
