it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
