So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
