Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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