think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
