is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
