He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
