Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
