Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
