wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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