Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Even my vagina gasped.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
