Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
