Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
