so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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