I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
