I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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