Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
