I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
