So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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