All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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