Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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