Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
