I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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