no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
