I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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