WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He shit in the fireplace
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
