btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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