I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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