I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
