can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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