ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
