They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
