Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
