they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
