I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
