I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
not ubering you a puppy
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
