I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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