They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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